What Hurt's the Most
by Ariellabella
Summary: On what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of her life, it all fell apart.


What Hurts the Most

A/N: Lyrics are Rascal Flatt's "What Hurt's the Most" are bolded. Flashbacks are in italics. Implied relationship between Hermione and Draco. Takes place in post-Hogwarts.

**I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house**

**That don't bother me**

Hermione leant against the windowsill staring out the window. She clutched her stomach and bit back the tears as memories of him assailed her mind.

_His eyes shone in the fire light and her breath caught in her throat. Could anyone really be this beautiful, she thought as he traced her cheek with gentle fingertips._

"_Why are you doing this?" she asked quietly. _

"_Because," he whispered leaning closer, "I've fallen for you Hermione. At first I thought this was just a fling, but god, after spending one minute with you I knew, I would never be able to walk away." He was finally saying the words she had always wanted to hear from him._

"_We graduate tomorrow," she said smiling, "what will we do out of Hogwarts?" Her smile faded and she looked worried. "Can we be together?"_

_His arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her to him. "We will be together, a beautiful little house close to work where we can grow old together."_

_Sparkling brown eyes met his and her mouth hung open. "Is there something you're trying to say?"_

**I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out**

The rain pounded against the window making the outside blurry. She didn't even notice the flash lighting up the night sky while thunder rumbled.

"_There is," he said in response to her smile. "Baby," he knelt down and pulled a rose from behind him, "say you'll marry me." Inside the rose was a diamond ring. _

_She dropped to her knees in front of him and took his hands in hers. "Ye-ye-," she stumbled for words and tears filled her eyes. She wiped them away and replied, "Merlin Draco, I can't talk." _

_He placed a finger to her lips. "Shh," he whispered, "you don't have to; I can see it in your eyes." Taking the ring out of the rose, he slipped it onto her finger as she trembled. Resting his forehead against hers, he noticed the tears streaming down her cheeks. "Don't cry baby, you're supposed to be happy."_

"_I am, I'm so happy, you're finally mine." _

_He placed a quick kiss on her lips and said, as his own eyes filled with tears, "I love you so much Hermione," his eyes suddenly became serious and his voice hardened slightly, "don't ever forget that." _

**I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while**

Placing a hand against the window she looked at the ring that glittered there. The band was platinum and shaped into a rose, the stem wrapping around her finger, each leaf a small emerald; the rose itself had gold drops on it as if it had rained and on its side was a large tear shaped diamond. Every part had a meaning to it; the emeralds and silver being the colors of his house making the ring part of him. The rose itself with the drops told the story of their first kiss.

_She ran, trying to get inside before it started pouring, but it was a lost cause. Still a good distance from the castle she decided to cut through the gardens. Buried deep in her thoughts she didn't watch where she was going and collided with something hard and warm. She fell backwards into a bush. _

"_Malfoy!" she snapped at him. Pain pricked at her finger as she tried to push herself up.  
_

"_Ow!" she exclaimed and brought up her hand. A drop of blood welled up on her finger and she looked down at it; she had landed in a rosebush. _

"_Here," he said and knelt in front of her, pulling out a handkerchief. Laying it over her finger he looked up at her; their eyes met. It had been a tense week for both of them, a growing attraction blossoming between them after being forced to share dorms as head boy and girl. Her heart fluttered when he was near and she felt faint. _

_His warm hand slid across hers, caressing as he pulled away the handkerchief and bent to place a kiss to it without breaking eye contact. _

_It was now pouring and both were already drenched, but neither paid the world around them any attention. Trapped in time, Hermione felt her heart stop and then begin beating wildly as he bent forward. Her eyes closed as his lips met hers in a gentle kiss. After breaking away they opened their eyes. _

_Something passed between them and he pulled her to her feet. "You might want to be more careful next time, you killed the roses." He bent down and pulled a rose from the bush, the only one that had survived her fall. Pulling off the thorns he brushed it across her cheek and placed it in her hand. "Keep this one alive." Without another word he turned and stalked off. She stood alone in the rain holding the rose, she watched as the raindrops slid off the rose before clutching it to her and continuing into the castle._

**Even though going on with you gone still upsets me**

**There are days ever now and again I pretend I'm okay**

**But that's not what gets me**

Her heart clenched as a painful memory entered her thoughts, renewing the flow of tear on her cheeks.

_She sat in their house reading a Muggle book. He would be home any minute and she couldn't wait to tell him the good news. They had been waiting for this for so long and now she was finally pregnant. It seemed as though he might have already known because that morning before leaving for work he placed a hand on her stomach before kissing her goodbye. _

_She wiggled restlessly in her chair and listened intently for his footsteps on the front porch. After another half hour her ears picked up the scuffling of feet on the porch and she leapt up dropping her book. Grabbing the door she flung it open. "Draco!" she screeched but her smile fell when she saw Harry standing at her door looking forlorn and holding a piece of folded parchment with Draco's handwriting on it. "Harry," she said somewhat questioningly. "What are you doing here?"_

"_Hermione." He looked at her with sad eyes. "We need to talk; something happened at the Ministry today, you should sit down." _

_Her heart pounded and her chest constricted. "Harry, tell me." She didn't really want to hear what he had to say, she wanted to close the door and wait for Draco to come home. She knew what was coming but prayed she was wrong. _

"_It's Draco- he," he trailed off looking at his feet. _

_She grabbed his arm, "it he hurt? He's just hurt right? He's in St. Mungo's for the night?"_

"_Hermione, don't make this any harder for me, please, I-I can't do this," he tried to step back. _

"_Harry," she lowered her voice, "I'm pregnant, please give me good news." _

_His eyes widened and he stepped forward clutching her arms tightly as if supporting her. _

**What hurt's the most**

**Was being so close**

**And having so much to say**

She screamed and picked up a vase off the table throwing it against the wall. It shattered as she sunk to the ground, her sobs echoing through the empty house.

"_Hermione, oh Merlin I'm so sorry, Draco's- he's dead." All sound escaped her ears and she felt her world flee from her. Everything shattered and she could physically feel her heart tearing and ripping until there was nothing left. Searing pain tore through her lungs as screams ripped from her throat. Harry tried to wrap his arms around her but she shoved him back and fell to the ground cursing and screaming. _

_Harry tried once again to take her in his arms but she pushed him back, "no! Don't touch me! You're lying; he's coming back, he is!" Her screams died down and she curled up sobbing into her hands. Wrapping his arms around her Harry lifted her and carried her to the couch. He stroked her hair and covered her with a blanket when she fell asleep. His heart went out to her, she had loved him so dearly; and to watch him walk away to work one day, and never come back was the most painful thing she had ever felt. _

**And watching you walk away**

**And never knowing**

**What could have been**

**And not seeing that loving you**

**Is what I was trying to do**

It had been almost eight months since the day she had lost Draco, and nothing was going right. She had almost stopped eating and lost too much weight. Harry and Ginny came over almost every night coxing food into her, for her safety and the baby's. She slept little, instead lying awake watching the pictures of them as they laughed and kissed, happier than she could imagine. Crying herself to sleep at night, she dreamt of him.

**It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go**

**But I'm doing it**

**It's hard to fake that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone**

"Hermione!" a familiar voice caught her attention and she turned to see Blaise running towards her. "It's great to see you!" After Hermione and Draco began dating she spent more time with the Slytherins and found that they weren't as bad as she had thought. The last time she had seen Blaise was their one year anniversary party, which was almost two years ago.

She smiled and waved; he came up and gave her a big hug before stepping back to look at her. His face looked troubled as he took in her thin, bony body; but his eyes lingered on her large stomach and smiled. "Pregnant! That's great Hermione! You and Draco must be very excited. How is Draco? I've been away in Romania and haven't heard from him. "

She forced her smile to stay in place and bent her head, "he-he died a few months ago; never found out I was pregnant. There was an attack when he was on his way home, Death Eaters after him, revenge for getting his father thrown in Azkaban. His body was found outside the Ministry with a note saying more will follow."

"Hermione I'm so sorry." He gave her another hug. "How are you faring?"

"I'm better, it's hard, you know." He nodded having lost his fiancée in the final battle.

"Well, don't hesitate to call me if you need anything or just want some company." She nodded and he gave her a final hug before leaving. She finished her shopping in Diagon Alley and hurried home.

**Still harder**

**Getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret**

**But I know if I could do it over**

**I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart**

**That I left unspoken**

At home she set down her bags and walked upstairs. Entering her bedroom, she opened her dresser drawer and dug to the bottom pulling out a piece of parchment. It was the paper Harry had brought with him that day, Draco's signature across the front. She had yet to open it knowing it was a goodbye letter, he wrote in his last minutes of life as he lay dying in the streets.

Taking a deep breath she allowed a tear to fall before holding it up and finally breaking the seal. Her hands shook as she unfolded it and read the first line.

_My dearest angel Hermione,_

**What hurts the most**

**Is being so close**

**And having so much to say**

**And watching you walk away**

She screamed and dropped the letter, pain ripped through her stomach and she knew what was happening. "Accio phone!" she shouted after pulling out her wand. The phone flew to her hand and she dialed Harry's number.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Harry, the baby, it's time!"

"But you're not due for another week!" Harry panicked.

"I know but that's too bad, it's time, get over here!" she shouted gritting her teeth in pain. Harry hung up the phone and a few minutes later came rushing up the stairs to her bedroom. He led her out to a waiting cab and they went to the hospital.

**and never knowing what could have been**

"Oh god!" Hermione screamed and clutched Harry's hand tighter.

"Push," the doctor ordered her.

"I am!" she snapped and howled in pain. A few minutes later the sound of a baby's crying filled the room and Hermione's head fell back in relief.

"It's a boy," the doctor said happily.

**and not seeing that loving you**

**Is what I was trying to do**

She took the baby in her arms and he stopped crying, looking up at her with grey eyes. His dusting of hair was almost as pale as his skin and her heart swelled; he looked just like his father. Tears of joy began to flow down her face as he cooed quietly.

"So." A nurse stepped up to her holding a clipboard. "Have you thought of a name for him?"

Hermione looked up at her with sparkling eyes. "Yes, I have." She lowered her voice and whispered in the baby's ear, "Draco."

**not seeing that loving you**

**Is what I was trying to do**


End file.
